Setting: (South-Western Ontario Grocery Store) 6:07 PM
There i was, strolling along, perusing the miniscule organic section of my local market. “Mushrooms: check, Celery: check, Avocados: hm… a little small and not too ripe, maybe i will bite the chemically laden bullet and check the produce isle!”
I passed the prepared meats section, skipped through “fresh” seafood, and spotted what appeared to be the largest ultra-ripe Hass Avocados i have ever seen in my life. Upon closer examination i found myself in shock. Utter disgust. What a mockery! 😉 These were no normal chemical-rich fatty fruits. No, these were the work of someone who obviously was out to destroy this nutrient-rich fruit’s flawless rep. The label read: (In brightly colored bubble letters) AVOCADO LITE. Who in their right minds would attempt to alter the nutritional profile of such a wonderful fruit? I was tempted to smash all eight of these genetically modified imposters in hopes that this would prevent others from contributing to what i am sure will be a future trend. How many ignorant guac-lovers do you know that would love the thought of a dip with 50% less fat and 30% less calories? I’ll pass. I’ll take my healthy organic fats over GMOs any day, thank you very much!
As i was approaching the checkout, i passed the conveniently placed “half-off” shelf and noticed that there were a couple packages of Mori-Nu Tofu left. I couldn’t imagine why these hasn’t sold at full price? Venture any guesses? They were the full-fat versions of Mori-Nu. Mori-Nu light was out of stock at the store and has been flying off of the shelves according to the source. Upon checking out, the check-out boy was rather amused that they finally sold. Small-town, Small-store, Small-minds? Am i the only one in this town who is not afraid of fats? Probably not, which is evident by the 30 car line-up at our town’s only golden arched monstrosity… Apparently a burger with a full-weeks worth of saturated fat (animal to boot) that has no nutrition facts readily available on the package slides under the guilt radar for a select few who obviously do not care enough to educated themselves about proper nutrition.
I sure hope this isn’t taken as a holier-than-thou approach to what you or I should or shouldn’t be eating, but i think we could all benefit from learning a few basic facts. So, without further ado, i present to you:
Deane’s Nutrition For Dummies.
- Plants are good.
- Eat more plants.
- Never accept food through your car window, chances are it’s not food!
- There are NO healthy food options at ANY movie theater in Canada.
- Rotting is a natural process, thus the food has probably been minimally processed if it is rotting. Minimally processed=Good!
- Aspartame is not a nutrient, nor is it a mineral. This is probably a bad sign, toss it.
- No matter how they pitch it; Sugar is Sugar. (Evaporated Cain Juice, Glucose-Fructose)
- If you are a high school graduate and have trouble pronouncing the ingredients of your food, they are most likely preservatives.
- Preservatives = Bad.
I am well aware that most of you who come across this blog are already extremely healthy, health-nuts, or already know all of these uber-basic facts. My target audience = the people behind Avocado-Lite. You guys make me sick 🙂