What is this world coming to?

Setting: (South-Western Ontario Grocery Store) 6:07 PM

There i was, strolling along, perusing the miniscule organic section of my local market.  “Mushrooms: check, Celery: check, Avocados: hm… a little small and not too ripe, maybe i will bite the chemically laden bullet and check the produce isle!”

I passed the prepared meats section, skipped through “fresh” seafood, and spotted what appeared to be the largest ultra-ripe Hass Avocados i have ever seen in my life.  Upon closer examination i found myself in shock.  Utter disgust.  What a mockery!  😉  These were no normal chemical-rich fatty fruits.  No, these were the work of someone who obviously was out to destroy this nutrient-rich fruit’s flawless rep.   The label read:  (In brightly colored bubble letters)  AVOCADO LITE. Who in their right minds would attempt to alter the nutritional profile of such a wonderful fruit?  I was tempted to smash all eight of these genetically modified imposters in hopes that this would prevent others from contributing to what i am sure will be a future trend.  How many ignorant guac-lovers do you know that would love the thought of a dip with 50% less fat and 30% less calories?  I’ll pass.  I’ll take my healthy organic fats over GMOs any day, thank you very much!
As i was approaching the checkout, i passed the conveniently placed “half-off” shelf and noticed that there were a couple packages of Mori-Nu Tofu left.  I couldn’t imagine why these hasn’t sold at full price?  Venture any guesses?  They were the full-fat versions of Mori-Nu.  Mori-Nu light was out of stock at the store and has been flying off of the shelves according to the source.  Upon checking out, the check-out boy was rather amused that they finally sold.  Small-town, Small-store, Small-minds?  Am i the only one in this town who is not afraid of fats?  Probably not, which is evident by the 30 car line-up at our town’s only golden arched monstrosity…  Apparently a burger with a full-weeks worth of saturated fat (animal to boot) that has no nutrition facts readily available on the package slides under the guilt radar for a select few who obviously do not care enough to educated themselves about proper nutrition.
I sure hope this isn’t taken  as a holier-than-thou approach to what you or I should or shouldn’t be eating, but i think we could all benefit from learning a few basic facts.  So, without further ado, i present to you:

Deane’s Nutrition For Dummies.

  • Plants are good.
  • Eat more plants.
  • Never accept food through your car window, chances are it’s not food!
  • There are NO healthy food options at ANY movie theater in Canada.

  • Rotting is a natural process, thus the food has probably been minimally processed if it is rotting.  Minimally processed=Good!
  • Aspartame is not a nutrient, nor is it a mineral.  This is probably a bad sign, toss it.
  • No matter how they pitch it; Sugar is Sugar.  (Evaporated Cain Juice, Glucose-Fructose)
  • If you are a high school graduate and have trouble pronouncing the ingredients of your food, they are most likely preservatives.
  • Preservatives = Bad.

    And finally try your absolute best not to eat for convenience sake, make time for your meals, as they are your life-force!

I am well aware that most of you who come across this blog are already extremely healthy, health-nuts, or already know all of these uber-basic facts.  My target audience = the people behind Avocado-Lite.  You guys make me sick 🙂

Deane, Out!



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4 responses to “What is this world coming to?

  1. That’s awful! Reduced fat avocados?? I think that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard…

  2. Ahahah!! Avocado lite?!?! You’ve got to be joking me?! The fat (oh and the taste) are the whole appeal behind the avocado!! Whoever thought of that is a nut. A reduced-fat nut.

  3. “Never accept food through your car window, chances are it’s not food!”
    Kids should be taught this at the same age they are taught not to accept candy from strangers!

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